I'll hum to you Sweet Clementine.

Let's start at the beginning, shall we?

Clementine.  What's that all about?

"Clementine" is a song by The Decemberists.  It's my song.  Don't argue; it's mine.  It's not their best song, really.  It might not even be my favorite.  But it's mine.  Why?   I don't know.  It found me one day, and it hasn't left me alone since.  It follows me around like a little puppy dog. 

Here, see for yourself:
Clementine, by The Decemberists

It's pretty, innit?  You can sing along, or you can dance real slow.  I like to sing harmony in the car, but that's our secret, k?  The best part: it's a sweet little song with a big effing curse right in the middle with zero apologies.  Man.  It's like a metaphor for my life.  This song... it's me.

Me, I've got a pretty little life.  I've got four amazing kids.  I've got a brand new amazing husband.  I've got a pretty house with a garden out back.  I've got a good job with benefits.  I've got friends I love and who love me back.   And right there in the middle, there's a crazy ex husband and some messiness and the big effing curses that come with parenting four kids and living a life that's not as pretty and simple as it looks on the outside.  And you'll be getting zero apologies for that.

Clementine isn't my name, but Clementine is me.  A few years ago I went so far as to get a big old tattoo that says "Sweet Clementine."  True story, check it out:

So, now you know about Clementine.  And if you stick around, you'll know about me.